If you are stuck for something to do for a few moments why not try our quiz, it is just for fun with no prizes, but the person who gets the answers to me first will have their name and club put on the site for all to see.

This quiz and future quizzes may not be on Martial Arts

This will be our first quiz and is called Back to School, good luck to all who participate, so get those brains working.

Back To School.  20 Questions Quiz #1

1. What do we call a number of loaves of bread ?

2. What do we often call a number of pearls that have been strung together ?

3. What is the masculine equivalent of heifer ?

4. What is the masculine equivalent of mare ?

5. On a map, in which direction are lines of latitude drawn ?

6. What is the opposite of occidental ?

7. Which part of speech describes how an action is done ?

8. In grammar, what function does an adjective perform ?

9. According to the proverb, what shouldnt call the kettle black ?

10. According to the proverb, what kind of lane has no turning ?

11. According to the proverb, what do you need if you are going to sup with the devil ?

12. According to the proverb, what cant you make without breaking eggs ?

13. What is the equivalent in degrees fahrenheight of 100 degrees centigrade ?

14. Approximately, how many litres are there to a gallon ?

15. Pascal, Cobal, and Basic are all types of what ?

16. In mathematics, how many different digits or figures are used in the bary system ?

17. Colloquially speaking, what do we mean when we talk about a chip of the old block ?

18. What do we mean when we talk about a dog in a manger ?

19. Colloquially speaking, what do we mean when we talk about a white elephant ?

20. What do we mean when we say someone is carrying coals to Newcastle ?.

The first set of correct answers will win.   Good Luck. 

Email Jim,           Jim1958@Tiscali.co.uk

Top 10 Signs You've Got a Bad Uke for Nage no Kata

by John Yarymowich

1. He arrives for your grading wearing a blue gi.
2. He starts jumping rope and listening to hip hop to "psych up" for the kata.
3. He fights for grips at the start of each sequence.
4. He knocks you out with his atemi during the ippon seoi nage sequence.
5. He tries to counter your harai goshi with utsuri goshi.
6. He pulls you down to the mat after sasae-tsurikomi ashi and tries to apply juji-gatame because "you only scored waza-ari dude".
7. When you grip for uchi-mata he whispers "who’s the Daddy NOW, mofo".
8. During tomoe nage, he does a smart gymnastic turnout and mumbles "nice try" while lining up for the left hand technique.
9. He refuses to leave the mat until a winner is declared.
10. You see your ex-girlfriend slipping him an envelope on the way out of the dojo.

You May Be Getting Too Old For Judo If...

By Neil Ohlenkamp

1. The first and last words that you say every day is "Ouch".
2. The last time you gave a kiai your dentures projected across the dojo.
3. Your training partner always begins each move with "Don't worry, I won't throw you".
4. If you try the same movement twice in a row you consider it uchikomi.
5. Your belt and your hair have both turned white with age.
6. Each time your training partner takes his grip he always says "Did I hurt you?"
7. "A little action" means your prune juice is finally working.
8. Your get up and go, like your knees, have long ago, got up and went.
9. You are wondering if a walker is allowed in randori.
10. You would rei but you are afraid of not getting back up.
11. Your tokuiwaza is now geezer waza.
12. Your favorite competition throw is a kata move.
13. You hate meditation because you fall asleep.
14. You barely have enough ki to pull up your gi pants.
15. Your favorite combination is Nuprin and Geritol.
16. You do have a favorite hold-down but you can't, for the life of you, remember it.
17. The cute new girl asks you if its really true that you met Kano.
18. You are adamant that tatami, like redwood, becomes petrified with age.
19. Your Judo membership number is the Roman Numeral I.
20. Your Life Membership certificate has the word "EXPIRED" stamped across it.
21. More and more you wonder why it is called "The Gentle Way".
22. You remember when Judogi pants were above the knee.
23. Your best technique is Ne Ne Waza (sleeping techniques).

Murphy's Laws of Martial Arts

          Ten scientific principles that apply to the study of all martial arts:

1. The wimp who made it through the eliminations on luck alone will suddenly turn into Bruce Lee when you're up against him.
2. The referee will always be looking the other way when you score.
3. You will have trouble with the ties on your gi pants when members of the opposite sex are in class.
4. The day you leave work early to make it to class on time, the sensei will be sick.
5. The sensei will only use you during demonstrations for joint-locking techniques.
6. If you have to use your training in self-defense, your attacker's father will be a lawyer.
7. After a flawless demonstration, you will trip on your way back to your seat.
8. After years of training without a single injury, you will pull a groin muscle the night before your black belt exam.
9. In an otherwise vacant locker room, the only other person will have the locker right next to yours.
10. No matter how many times you take care of it before your promotion exam, you will invariably have to go to the bathroom when it's your turn.

Any clean Martial Arts jokes ?  Send them to me to be shown on this page.

(c) Bushido